how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
