We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
