If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
