My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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