Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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