i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
