Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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