oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize