Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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