Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
