She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
