I need to stop coming to work sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
