Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
