Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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