matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its liver damage thursday
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
