I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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