walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm bleeding and have questions
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
