dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
