i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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