Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
