2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
