im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
