Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
