Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
