he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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