Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
