We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
