Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
