Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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