Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
