My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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