I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
