in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I supernannyed him into submission
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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