Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
