I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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