Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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