Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
