So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
