You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
