Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
