good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
