she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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