We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
