Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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