Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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