well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
