So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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