i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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