Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
