Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
