I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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