Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
