About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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