Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
