I seem to have left my pride at pride
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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