We're like a lot better than the average bears
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
