The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
