Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
