So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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