Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
