Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
