I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
