I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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