matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
