And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
